For those of you just tuning in, by “mobile society” I don’t mean cars, planes, trains, and automobiles, but rather, the increasing frequency with which people now pick up and move, consequently destabilizing our sense of “home”. I tried to cover some of the positive aspects of this change in my last post on the topic, but let me put forth a few worries in this one:
My pragmatic side keeps pestering me with the thought that moving is simply a very inefficient way to run one’s life. Do you really want to spend an entire year recovering from moving, standing in line at the DMV for new license plates, and getting ripped off by the overpriced hairstylist before you finally find something reasonable? Granted, I’m new to this whole setting-up-house thing and thus am already overwhelmed, but it seems that it can’t possibly get easier once you actually own a house and have kids, jobs, pets, and retirement funds. So yes, I would assert that that time could be better spent learning something meaningful, rather than simply relearning one’s daily duties in a different state. Calling what we do “exploring a new community” is often a misnomer; what we really mean is that we’re trying to figure out how to get to the store across town that is precisely like the Target, Best Buy, Walgreens, or Barnes & Noble that we just left behind in our old town. Really exploring the nooks and crannies of one’s new town is a wonderful thing – I just think we should acknowledge that much of what we’re really doing when we settle in a new area is what I’ve just described above, a completely different beast.
Perhaps more important, however, is the rift in one’s sense of community that accompanies each move. Yes, you can make new friends, shop for a new church, get involved in a new community garden, but it’s difficult to maintain a sense of commitment and responsibility (not to mention develop a deep relationship) if you know you can simply pick up and move anytime a new job or a shift in interests calls. Depth and commitment aren’t exactly the defining qualities of our society as it is, and community and friendships are perhaps some of the only remaining factors that “keep you honest,” that make sure the face you show at work bears some relationship to the one you show at social functions, or at your kid’s daycare. Yeah, I think we need that kind of responsibility. Refashioning oneself every two years for a new you and a new home doesn’t appeal to me.
From a less severe angle, friendships that have had a chance to develop can be as rich as the best marriage. Why does that concept of friendship seem so unthinkable on the path society is currently taking? When I was home over the holidays, I met up with some friends for the first time in five years or so. Although we spent the lunch swapping updates, all of our conversational ease rested on the fact that we all, when it came down to it, at least resembled the girls we had been in high school and middle school. It’s a nice feeling. When we’re tired, joyful, or trying to stretch ourselves, we reach for those who know us well, not those to whom we’ll have to explain everything. Moving deprives us of the everyday interaction with friends (despite blogs, mass-email, and facebook) that we need to get growing in our relationships. When we see our friends from long ago, that experience is still there, but we often only get to talk while standing on that history, rather than actually work to deepen the relationship.
Alright, so by now you can tell this is something that’s been weighing on me. It’s just that after years of reading my news online every morning and coming home pumped after a really great coffee date with some new acquaintance, I still had alarm bells going off, telling me that more needed to be there. Not more information, not more acquaintances, but deeper, richer, longer commitments and relationships.
Precisely because it’s important, though, I would really like to hear your opinions on the matter. What have your experiences showed you?
Erin
Alan Schmierer